First man retracts first words to first woman, realises he should have mentioned her hair.
Plus breaking news from a Bible Kids TV show
Hello! This weekend, you will find me in Devon, performing God, the Bible and Everything (in 60 minutes) at Silverton Evangelical Church (tickets here). And then I’ll be heading up to the Keswick Convention and doing the show at lunchtime on Wednesday 30th July - literally free of charge. The autumn is booking up nicely - but I’d love more gigs. And happy to consider anything if it’s near where I’m already booked for zero financial risk to you. So have a look at the tour diary and, if I’m passing by, ask me to drop in. If I can, I will!
Time for some headlines!
First man retracts first words to first woman, realises he should have mentioned her hair.
“I look back at what I blurted out now, and I’m a little embarrassed. Bone of my bone? Flesh of my flesh?! What was I thinking?!” said Adam. Eve agreed that “it did seem a little weird in the moment”, but thought it was “sweet.” She also admitted to being a little disappointed since her husband’s first words led her to believe she could expect a constant stream of poetry which has not been forthcoming.
Could you help The Wycliffe Papers get in front of more people. Share the joy!
Nathan the Prophet “can’t believe that David didn’t see that punchline coming”.
Nathan admitted he was unsure about telling King David a story about a rich man, a poor man and his ewe lamb that he considered to be a little ‘on the nose’. “But it paid off,” said Nathan to The Wycliffe Papers. “He fell for it hook, line and sinker. You should have seen his face. That doesn’t come across in 1 Samuel 12:7. He completely admitted his sin against Uriah the Hittite. Result!”
Christian Kids TV show collapses under the weight of own metaphors.
Fruitin’ Tootin’, a Christian Kids TV show about the Fruit of the Spirit, was forced to shut down production for a week to recover from an incident described by theologians as ‘Figurative Overwhelm’.
In a sequence about the armour of God from Ephesians 6, Alvin, a peach who embodies Self-Control, put on the Helmet of Salvation and became soteriologically so confused, he began to feel faint. “We realised that a peach representing Self-Control wearing that helmet could subconsciously give out a message of works-based righteous. Alvin was very upset and is not getting all the help he needs.”
In another sequence, Carol, a pear who represents Peace, picked up the Sword of the Spirit and was immediately convulsed by an existential paradox that she was unable to process. Producers say that Carol received emergency theological triage and is now in a stable spiritual condition.
Become a Loyal Lollard (a paid subscriber) and hear the very first public reading of brand new material that will be performed at the Keswick Convention Week 3. You can hear this LIVE on the Zoom chat at 8pm on 23rd July - or via a replay. This is available only to Loyal Lollards. You can join monthly, annually or be a founding member.
You’ll also get early access to new jokes and headlines AND early episodes of my new podcast, The Stand-Up Theologian. It’s so new, I don’t even have a logo for it yet! That’s all if you subscribe and ‘upgrade to paid’:
Speaking of podcasts, you can also watch and listen to me on Jonny Woodrow’s podcast, Stop It! You’re Killing Me… in which we talked about virtually everything to do with comedy, my career, satire and why things are funny…
